TV watching Habits:
My
children watch far too much television. When I try to get them
to read or play outside, they have no interest. I've taken the
TV sets from their bedrooms, but they find a way to get to watch
their favourite shows anyway. What should I do to keep them away
from the TV?
-Parul Shah
Dear Parul,
TV watching is not bad if it is
monitored in the time and content of the shows. If there are a
set of acceptable shows that your children want to watch, there
is no harm in letting them do so. But in scenarios where kids
have become TV addicts, certain things need to be taken care of:
1.
Make a clear set of rules regarding the time and the
serials your kids watch. Set a reasonable limit for time or the
number of watched shows. Get your kids to agree on the same and
then make sure they stick to the same. When they are done with
their shows, turn off the TV and if you have the option, child-
lock it.
2.You could put
them on interesting and educational films once in while such
as ‘Sound of Music’, ‘Flubber’, ‘Jurassic Park’, etc. Also
include regional films for children. It would increase their
knowledge and curiosity.
3.Find out other alternatives of engaging them, such as
doing an interesting and fun activity together. It could be
making puppets and putting up a show by creating a script and
practising voice modulations.
4. You need to identify what is it that they like doing
besides watching TV. You need to experiment to know that.
You could think of craft ideas like origami, clay modelling,
paper mache, etc. Maybe they’ll enjoy swimming, going for a run,
playing with friends, going for a trek or some adventure sport.
5. Try
getting more children (cousins, friends, and neighbours)
involved in these kinds of activities. That would make it
more interesting. You could even organise a cartoon making camp
where they can create their own cartoons, either on paper or on
the computer.
6. Many
times, watching TV seems to be the only entertainment option for
kids and adults alike. That is why we need to
generate more options for enjoying and
entertaining ourselves.
7. This
would apply to you too, if TV is your major source of
entertainment. You can’t do what you ask your children to avoid.
So even you would need to reduce your TV watching and look out
for other creative and mentally and physically stimulating
options.
8. Maybe all of you can have a family time in which you
plan what to do each day, like one day could be a dance day,
then a music day, or a poetry day and so on. Once you begin to
think outside the box, ideas for creative fun will start coming
to you. Maybe no one around you does such things but so what!
You can begin and who knows, others will follow.
9. Find
out other entertainment options in and around your city,
besides hotels and movies. Look out for dance workshops, karaoke
set ups, martial arts, music clubs, activity groups, etc.
Cultivating a hobby is the best thing you can do for yourself as
well as your children. It is a means of self expression and
satisfaction. Encourage the development of a hobby in your
children. It could be anything from maintaining a scrap book to
cooking; whatever it is that keeps them occupied, active and
happy.
10.
Avoid severe steps like disconnecting the cable service
or rebuking. They may actually make things worse. Rather work
towards achieving a collective understanding about the TV
watching rules. Explain to them why you’re setting these rules.
Allow them the stipulated time and then switch off the TV.
11.
Also don’t offer snacks or food while the kids are watching
TV. Elders of the house must also take care of the same.
KEYS POINTERS:
SETTING CLEAR TV TIME AND MENU FOR FAMILY
WATCHING EDUCATIONAL MOVIES
ALTERNATIVE MEANS OF LIKED
ENTERTAINMENT
CREATING AND FINDING FUN EVENTS
AVOIDING HARSH STEPS AND MEASURES:
CREATING REASONING AND RESPONSIBLE ATMOSPHERE
AVOIDING SNACKING DURING TV TIME
Dear Kirandeep,
My son is studying in 4th std. He works very hard
yet his problem is that he cannot remember what he learns.
During final examination preparations, he revised all lessons
with me for more than 4/5 times - oral as well as written. In
spite of this, he could not remember due to which, out of
frustration, I lose my temper. I became so helpless that I do
not know how to make him learn his lessons. Objective seems to
be good for him but Question answers, short notes, compositions,
experiments were all so tough for him to remember.
Can you
please guide in this direction.
Dear Manisha,
Thank you for writing in to
kidsfreesouls. It seems like both you and your son are
very strong willed and patient to revise all his lessons 4/5
times. Manisha, many times we don’t get the desired results for
our hard work because of various reasons. We need to identify
those reasons in your son’s case.
I believe that
each child is very capable and unique. Hence, I am sure that
your son too is extremely capable and has a lot of potential.
Various factors could be affecting his performance of the same.
It could be
exam stress or anxiety coupled with high expectations from him.
It could be
fear of writing an exam and specifically fearing the long
answers. So, in spite of knowing the long answers during the
time of revision, fear of the same and a negative attitude
towards them, may be the immediate cause, according to me.
We as parents
play a major role in our children’s confidence levels. On the
same lines, we are also the ones largely responsible for
instilling the fear of various things in them.
So,
another aspect you could look at is to trust your child and
believe in him rather than doubting his potential and his
performance. I would take it as a fact that both of you have
done and continue to do things to the best of your capabilities.
Focus on this fact and watch your temper be replaced by a
feeling of compassion and understanding for your child.
Certain techniques can aid memory and exam
performance. You could try whichever suits you.
One technique is to mark out the
IMPORTANT POINTS for long
answers and make memory mnemonics for remembering those points.
For example, VIBGYOR represents the colours of the rainbow,
Violet, Indigo, Blue, Green, Yellow,
Orange and Red.
You could also
MAKE TUNES for the points if that works for him.
Make DIAGRAMS
AND FLOW CHARTS to represent concepts and long answers.
Visual form of data is very effective for many people.
PASTE
important points and diagram- depiction of long answers
ON THE WALLS OR SOFT BOARD;
whichever would strike the eyes. Make it colourful and
attractive.
Encourage your son to
WORD HIS OWN ANSWERS around
the main points. This would prevent relying entirely on text
books language. It puts things in his control.
You could also paste
POSITIVE AND MOTIVATIONAL THOUGHTS.
COMMUNICATE
to him that you love him no matter what he does. So, he will not
be afraid of losing your trust and faith in him.
Remember that learning can be through
various modes, audio, visual, tactile, etc. Use these to find
out which mode your child prefers using.
To avoid pressurizing or over emphasizing
on the failure to write long answers, it would help to
SHIFT THE MODE FROM SERIOUS TO FUN.
Making study fun and interactive works well for kids.
Try to make your child
EXPERIENCE what he is studying
rather than just rote learning. This will make his knowledge
base strong and also help him recall better. For instance, you
could take him to a geographically significant location nearby,
or to a museum, a science park, etc.
TO HELP HIM SEE, TOUCH AND SENSE KNOWLEDGE in a 3
dimensional world rather than in plain text books.
You could also introduce your son to
RELAXATION TECHNIQUES like
meditation (it could be total involvement in any activity of his
choice), deep breathing, reciting of verses from holy
scriptures, resonating the sound of ‘aum’, yogic exercises like
shavasana and giving positive suggestions to self, for example,
Saying to self in a relaxed state, ‘I am capable of doing all
that I want.’ ‘I remember and write my long answers well.’ ‘I am
at ease and confident during my exams.’
You could also think of
INCLUDING THINGS HE LIKES DOING,
in his schedule. That will ensure his enthusiasm, zest, self-
confidence and motivation remain intact. After all, these are
the most important forces in life. Also, convey to him that his
capabilities are not questioned just because he cannot remember
and write answers. Show him and yourself that he is good at so
many other unique things. This is to develop a
BALANCED VIEW OF HIMSELF right
from this tender age.
Remember, our
attitude makes all the difference. THINKING POSITIVE, increases
the chances of success. We must
also believe fully in those positive affirmations.
Remember, no
situation or problem is bigger than us. Everything can be
achieved if we have the right attitude and the right techniques.
Hope this has answered your query and you have found what you
were looking for.
Warm Regards,
Kirandeep.
KEY
POINTS:
Stress
Fear
Exam anxiety, too much
pressure
Use techniques- points, use
of own words, understanding and interest
Knowledge more important
than marks
Concentration and
relaxation exercises
Make study fun
Practical study- showing
and experiencing is different from mugging up
Include other activities as
well- ‘all study and no play makes Jack a dull boy’
Encourage him and reward
him when he tries and insist more on trying rather than getting
good marks
Be happy and don’t worry.
Do your best and leave the rest! Childhood and parenthood are
too precious to be lost in anxieties
Dear Kirandeep,
Referring
to your previous note on modifying parenting practices, I would
like to know more about being patient and understanding towards
our children. My daughter is 4 years old and very energetic. She
does not understand when I explain things and is also very
stubborn. Also with the birth of my second child, she has become
even more mischievous. I sometimes lose my cool.
I read your
article on sibling rivalry and realized why my daughter was
behaving so different and have changed my approach since then.
Now I would want to work on my temper to avoid unpleasant events
for my daughter and me. What would you suggest for temper
control?
Dear Mother,
First of
all, let me congratulate you for being so honest with your short
coming. Many of us suffer from anger but very few parents
realize it and come out with it like you have. I view this as a
positive and promising beginning for you to control your temper.
You also
seem to be very self aware and pro active. So it would be easy
for you to realize and point out when your temper is invalid and
uncalled for. Once you can catch yourself at the point when you
get angry, half your work is done!
Now, I
understand that you have the responsibility of a young one in
addition to your daughter. So it must be overwhelming for you at
times. I would suggest you take your time out from your
daughter, in your own way, at such times.
Take a few deep breaths and remind
yourself about why you want to control your temper.
Once you’ve gained clarity and control you can bounce back and
continue your interactions.
Also,
calm yourself or practice some
relaxation or meditation whenever you find some time.
Make sure you do it regularly. You can
refer to my previous note on
relaxation.
You will
also find some good meditation techniques at
www.oshoworld.com.
Secondly,
you must aim to understand your
anger.
Where does
it stem from?
What do you
feel before you lose your temper?
In what
situations do you feel so?
When does
it generally happen?
What do you
expect from the person involved?
Are you
able to communicate that expectation well?
You will
notice that anger situations involve some unfulfilled
expectations which lead to despair and frustration. So, the key
lies in
-
Communicating your expectations well
-
Having a back up plan if the expectations are not met
Once you
have jotted down the causes and clauses of your anger, you get
to know it. Once you know it, you can control it.
For example,
if you know that you tend to get angry when your daughter
ignores you when you ask her to change from her uniform and
remove her shoes, you can be alert particularly at that time,
with a back up plan, like- ‘If she does not do so, I will let
her be. She can remove it when she wants.’
You can
also get
involved with your church activities
or a meditation group. I would suggest you look up
this link for a deeper understanding of human nature:
For more in
depth information on dealing with anger, I would suggest the
following books for
you.
“The Anger Trap: Free Yourself from the Frustrations that
Sabotage Your Life”
by
Les Carter
“When Anger Hurts Your Kids: A Parent's Guide ”
by
Patrick Fanning,
Kim Paleg,
Dana Landis
and
Matthew McKay
Hope I have
answered your question adequately. Keep the faith!
Kirandeep
Dear Kidsfreesouls.com,
I was just reading
on your site and bookmarked it....Your advice is very sound and
solid. So, I was wondering if you could direct me as to how to
deal with my daughter?
I am a single mom with a very limited income and I don't know
what else to do except to go try to find free help online
somehow. My daughter comes from a broken home. I divorced my ex
4 years ago. We just recently, about a year ago moved to Texas
from Virginia. My daughter has great friends in school. But
seems to be depressed a lot.
She draws constantly and says that it helps with her depression
it makes her feel happy...though...she is obsessed with it...to
a point that it is affecting her grades and school work, she is
failing. She admits she is obsessed a cant help herself. I dont
know what to do nor how to approach the situation and get past
it...I dont have the money to take her to a therapist. Would
love to find an online service that has counselors that she can
chat with that I could pay a very affordable service fee and she
could get on the internet and chat for advice and to help keep
her going in the right direction....
She is on the pc a lot and also loves to role play. Could you
help direct me as to how to get through this and get my daughter
(Keri) out of the hole she has put herself in and thinking in a
more healthy light. I have tried to reason with her and make her
realize the seriousness of her education and what it means to
her...I dont know what else to do.
-Jeanene Milanak
Dear Jeanene,
I
understand that you are going through a tough time but your
daughter seems to be going through a tougher time.
You need to
first
identify the reasons for your daughter’s self proclaimed
depression. Ask her about what is bothering her- Is
it the moving? Is it any person in her or your life? Or is she
missing daddy? How does she feel towards you? Is there any anger
in her? What do friends and teachers tell her? How do they view
her? Get to know these aspects indirectly while talking to her.
Ask her about her
drawings, the theme,
what she means to depict, who is drawn, which situations are
portrayed, what colours and strokes she uses, etc. Even this can
give you an insight into her feelings. You can then clarify by
asking her about it.
Find out what she
does on the pc: What
kind of sites she is visiting? Which games is she playing? Is
there any unpleasant thing on the net that she has seen?
It could be anything. But you need to be aware.
Talk to her as a
friend rather than preaching
about things. Ask her what she
feels or thinks about different things. Find out what does Keri
really need and make it available to her.
You
mentioned that you’re a single mother.
Do you yourself get stressed out
and express certain things to her? If yes, you must avoid that
at all costs. Be fair to her.
Do you spend enough
time with your daughter?
Is she getting enough of your love and affection? She needs the
comfort of a mother and the security of a father, which depends
now solely on you and the way you deal with her. So make sure
you’re there for her when she needs to talk.
Make exclusive time
for the two of you where you indulge in fun activities,
maybe watch comedy movies together, or go swimming, anything
within your range and that she enjoys.
Convey to her that
you love her a lot.
Show physical affection whenever you can.
Discuss
about various topics with her.
Invite her friends
over sometimes and organize a fun evening for them. That would
give both of you a reason to loosen up.
It is not easy
to be a single mother but remember that it isn’t easy being a
child of a single parent either!
You could also
go through the link given on the editorial page for divorced
parents and children.
Good luck to
you. Hope you found some solace and answers to your queries.
Kirandeep.
Well the exam fever is catching up as the month is progressing.
So let us now shift our discussion on performing well in exams
and keeping the exam chills at bay. Yes! It is possible! Let me
show you how......
Click here to read the Article for
Examination Tips
(Kidsfreesouls
Back to School Pages with
Examination Tips Here)

COUNSELLING Q & A
CLICK FOR ARCHIVE OF OLDER POSTS
AT
KIDSFREESOULS TEAM CREW BLOG ARCHIVE POSTS
Are you concerned with your Kids
behavior patterns? Are you bugged with problems yourself as a parent or teacher?
Share your experiences, exchange thoughts! If you have a say on any of the above
topics, please feel free to write. Do mention age, city and country you
reside along with brief questions. I hope my answers would soothe the troubled minds
but heyy!
It's upto you! I can only Guide you.
Kidsfreesouls held No
Responsibility on how you view & act upon
the advice.
Open up, Speak up!
E-mail Kidsfreesouls
ilaxi patel |
kirandeep
Free Counselling by ilaxi patel Here